Mucus Free and Fighting Terror

After a month's mysterious absence from the blog trail, the Reverend has been located in the United States apparently campaigning for the incumbent, Dubya, in the coming American election scheduled for November 2. When cornered and asked about his activities for the past month, his medical treatments, and his current commitments The Reverend had this to say, "I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to my worldwide congregation for being pulled away, however necessary, from my normally prolific publishing of encyclicals and pronouncements; and other ecumenical duties. I would like to proclaim myself healthy and free of uteral mucus. My doctors informed me that the plug was successfully removed from my brain stem without damage to the stem and only minor effects to the other areas of my brain." See attached official medical assessment.*

"I am feeling better than ever", he offered.

"Regarding my association with the Republican party and President Dubya...quite frankly, I realized after my life threatening recovery, that they are my kind of folks who share my values and I have been given a new lease on life that should be spent doing more to help people. In this new world of terror, with Dubya as leader, I believe in a strong deterrence through pre-emptive strikes to fight and kill terrorists wherever they may be. Let's face it, everyone wants freedom just like everyone wants salvation, and I am here to help them get it, people like them Iraqis and any other infidels held hostage by terror including, of course, Americans and especially members of my own nation, The Republic of Jim."

Asked about the American President's condoning of the use of all weapons in his military's arsenal including Nukes The Reverend responded by saying that Dubya's missiles "...they don't kill, they spread freedom to all and save the souls of them heretics...".

The Reverend will take some time away from his busy Republican schedule to make a brief visit to China to Chinese President Hu Jintao to offer support and advice regarding the ruling communist party's decision to censor and cleanse the internet in China of pornography. See attached article from the Associated Press.**

"I have spent endless man-hours personally researching the internet pornography phenomenon through numerous visits to various Asian sex sites and I can honestly say that I am committed to it, it's abolition, I mean, from the public's view and relegation to only the proper authorities who are trained to keep an eye on such matters such as myself and others. I will be doing first hand interviews with victims of sexual imperialism through the net, ladies aged 17-221/2 especially, to get their opinions. This internet porn is just another form of terrorism, terror against the freedoms enjoyed in China."

"The Reverend is back and kicking" he interjected "with all services previously offered through the House of Jim back on the table, yup, if you want a one way ticket to heaven I can get you there, guaranteed. That's my commitment to you, to get you all one step closer to God or die trying."

Reverend Jim also has scheduled trips to Thailand, Japan, and The Netherlands.


* A prepared statement from his doctors had this to add, '...there necessitated, however, the removal of portions of Jim's frontal lobe, parietal lobe, and temporal lobe. As a result he has been warned that there may be resulting partial impairment of the functions associated with these areas of the brain, including short-term memory, comprehension of spoken and written language, sense of direction and recognition of familiar places, planning, organizing, problem solving, selective attention, personality and a variety of "higher cognitive functions" including behavior and emotions. There was an unexpected trade-off in that apparently the stem has attempted to compensate for the lost cranial matter and cognitive functions by heightening some very specific functions including arousal and compulsive behaviour.'

"In a nutshell", doctors say, " Jim's capacity for sexual stimulation and deviance, and susceptibility to suggestion, addiction, fits of undirected rage, disorientation, and confusion have increased ten-fold."

In a possibly related note, doctors observed Jim's semen production increase to as much as one litre with a projectile displacement range of three metres in a forward radial spray. Doctor Lee, Oh-Heon was admitted to hospital diagnosed with serious head trauma caused by a powerful concussive force in a research accident while examining Rev. Jim.

**China Offers Rewards for Reporting Porn

By Associated Press

October 11, 2004, 8:32 PM EDT

BEIJING -- China's police ministry on Sunday handed out rewards of up to $240 to people who reported pornographic Web sites in a campaign to stamp out online smut, the government said.

Some 445 people have been arrested and 1,125 Web sites shut down with the help of public tips since July, the official Xinhua News Agency reported, citing the Ministry of Public Security.

The ministry handed out rewards of $60 to $240, Xinhua said, but it didn't say how many people received them.

China encourages Internet use for education and business but bans sexually oriented content on its own Web sites and tries to block access to foreign sites deemed pornographic or subversive.

The online crackdown is part of a sweeping official morality campaign launched this year on orders from communist leaders.

Television stations, video game makers and other suppliers of popular culture have been ordered to reduce or eliminate violent or sexually oriented content.

Copyright 2004, The Associated Press

Update by The Reverend's former long-time companion and current assistant, Deacon Virginia L. Dish.