An Open Letter From God

From Him:

It has come to My attention that one among My flock has gone severely astray. Normally I wouldn’t interfere much but this one has betrayed the trust of many of My children. He has become corrupt and has misled millions of those that would follow Me through him. His lips, though once speaking My Holy Scriptures, the Word that has Been since before man when all that there was…was the Word, have become blistered in their service to the evil one. He has cavorted with goats and committed all manner of perverse deliciousness to blacken the hearts of the innocent and the not-so-innocent. He has suckled at the anus of Satan himself. I have decided to make an exception to My prime directive of non-interference by removing his ugliness from the face of the earth.

Sincerely, God.

Then there was silence...

Suddenly the earth shook... thunder clapped from all directions (not unlike a spontaneous but moving standing ovation)...lightning sizzled and ripped the sky open...curtains tore...and...and...every single pigeon on the earth was left constipated.

...and God said, "I SHALL SMITE HIM WITH MY BIG SMITING FINGER…AND SO SHALL HE BE SMOTED. AND IT WILL COme to pass that…ahh…he will have…had…uhnn…been…have smotened."

"…hmm…"

…hewillhavehadbeenhavesmotened…

"Nope, doesn’t help if you say it quickly."

Damn.

"DAMN!!! Now I am really pissed. If you thought the Wrath of Khan was wrathful, feel My WRATH!!!"

p.s. Stop asking Me for My prognostication about the American presidential election. I called Gore in 2000 but look what happened. Beats Me! Go ask Karl Rove!

Posted by God, narrated by Himself.